Life doesn’t always come fixed with a bow, but it’s still a gift.~Unknown

What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me. ~ Helen Keller

When it seems impossible, take a deep breath. It calms the mind~Unknown

Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don’t be afraid to blink!~Unknown

A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t. ~Rhonda Hansome

Success is not a doorway, it’s a staircase.~Dottie Walters

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively. “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” ~ Trina Paulus

Women who aspire to be as good as men lack ambition~Anonymous

Be not too anxious to get money-for nothing worth having can be purchased. ~Mary Wollstonecraft

Desire, ask, believe, receive~Stella Terrill Mann

Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid it will never begin. ~Grace Hansen

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. ~Agnes Repplier

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.~Anonymous

The old law about “an eye for an eye” leaves everybody blind. ~Martin Luther King

They say you shouldn’t say nothing about the dead unless it’s good. He’s dead.  Good. ~Moms Mabley

Keep in mind…to a dog you are family, to a cat you are staff ~Unknown

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason….there’s a reason. ~Molly McGee

I always keep three sizes of clothes in my closet…”normal days,” “bloated days,” and “those were the days.” ~Myra Zirkle

He has more chins than a Chinese phone book. ~Joan Rivers

I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?~Jean Kerr

I’ve put on a lot of weight…I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.~Red Skelton

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. ~Ambrose Bierce

He loves to eat-he puts mayonnaise on an aspirin.~Joan Rivers

Lord, if you can’t make me thin-can you make all my friends fat?~Judy Hampton

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of that peanut I ate in 1962. ~Rita Rudner

Looking fifty is great-if you’re sixty.~Joan Rivers

Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?~?

I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 798 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.~Erma Bombeck

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills.  Want to know what happened?  I ate faster! ~Joe E. Lewis

I’ve decided that perhaps I’m bulimic and I just keep forgetting to purge. ~ Paula Poundstone

My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven today-we don’t know where the hell she is.~ Ellen Degeneres

Men and women, women and men.  It will never work. ~ Erica Jong

The “crisis” of yesterday is the joke of tomorrow. ~H.G. Wells

There are three signs of old age. Loss of memory…I forget the other two. ~Red Skelton

 

2 comments

  1. Alana says:

    lol…these make me laugh, My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven today-we don’t know where the hell she is.~ Ellen Degeneres — that’s totally gonna be me! – your web lady, leigh ann

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