Hell Yes, I am Worthy

When I was, oh so young and trying to earn a living in the stressful, thankless world of retail, I was usually required to work on the holidays, even though sometimes I never saw more than a handful of customers. I would sit there alone, feeling sorry for myself and wonder, “What have I got to be thankful for?” That was my go to reply, when people would smile and wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. Rarely did the words actually come out of my mouth, but they echoed loudly inside of my head. I would smile and nod to the well-wisher and wonder quietly, why so many difficulties had been bestowed upon me.
Without much say in the matter, I’d grown up poor, portly and gay, which meant sadly, I had three strikes against me, right out of the gate! I can recall so many years spent stressed out and exhausted in an attempt to prove to the world that I was worthy. Worthy of what you ask? Well, I craved what everyone else wanted, love, success, and pride in myself. Instead I spent decades running like a mad woman in the, so called, rat race just trying to be noticed and hoping to be appreciated. The race turned out to be a very long and exhausting marathon which never seemed to end.
Along the way I encountered the “chosen”; the “pretty, privileged” people who are lucky enough to have anything and everything handed to them. There were also fast talkers in addition to the people who were fortunate enough to come from influence and old money. Ironically, these blessed souls, while mastering the art of getting the job, lacked greatly in actually doing the job. For many years I watched them come and go, scrambling far too quickly to the top of the company ladder and then tumbling down even quicker, while I, oh so diligently, did my job, putting in long, fatiguing hours, still hoping to be noticed.
I was applauded by my supervisors for my perfect attendance, flawless inspections, exceptional inventories and outstanding training abilities, yet the awards, bonuses and promotions never came along with the accolades; and still I waited patiently for my time. Searching for answers, I wearily took solace in the rationalization that because of my diversity, the good old boys of business, had good sense in keeping me plugging away “behind the scenes” where I wouldn’t be, bad for business. Instead, they parked the alluring showpiece out front, much like a Lamborghini with no engine; pretty to look at but useless all the same.
After years of mistreatment and exploitation, it became evident that I was in a thankless job, headed nowhere fast, so one day, I quit. I packed up my pride, talent and self-esteem, walked out the door and never looked back.
A short time later, as the recession annihilated my former company, I opened my own business, four in fact and guess who gave herself a title! This chubby, ole lesbian, appointed herself CEO, president and just for fun…TBRW, (Total Boss & Ruler of the World). I am not sure anyone else qualifies to fill that position. Therefore, I do believe I’ve got job security…at last!
Follow my journey at http://pickastrugglecupcake.com/
~Alana Marie~

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