Gorging and Gluttony

There were days which gave me pause to stop and wonder what life had in store for me. The world had stopped revolving, as if it were waiting for me to step off and make room for someone who might better appreciate the blessings I had been given. Doors started to slam all around me as opportunities slipped away, along with friends and even family. Days were long and nights were longer. My life had become a lonesome series of waking up to an empty house and going to sleep in an empty bed. My daily activities included eating, eating and still more eating until I fell asleep in my chair, or bed too dizzy to think and too stuffed to move. The television set had become my best friend, bringing me the news of what was happening outside of my secluded self-imposed prison. It was in fact, my only connection to the outside world, besides the pizza delivery boy who acted as my dealer…satisfying my severe food addiction.
The past few years of gorging and gluttony had nearly done me in. My health had been affected due to the massive amount of weight I had gained and my body nearly ruined by the intense nonstop binging it had been forced to endure. I had stopped looking in the mirror, as the person staring back had begun to balloon and morph in to a hideously unrecognizable creature. The once happy, smiling reflection had been replaced by a brooding, sad, mushy face with puffy eyes and enormous cheeks. The image brought me great sadness and truth be told, more than I could bear. Salty tears waited for any convenient excuse to rain from my eyes; a sad song, book or even a silly TV commercial could produce an avalanche of tears which could not be either explained or interrupted. The complete and utter sadness of my life had become intolerable. Life had fallen short of the glorious expectations of my youth, I had in fact given up on all of my hopes and dreams; accepting the reality that I was destined to spend the rest of my remaining years alone, isolated and angry.
And then one day, it happened. Quite unexpectedly, I decided that enough was definitely enough. I had an enormous epiphany which compelled me to orchestrate my own resurrection. Forcing myself to face my own terrifying reflection, I made a promise to that disfigured face in the mirror, to change my life and find my purpose. I began to release all of my pain through writing. My heartache poured onto the page for others to read, absorb and feel and I came to comprehend that I was not alone in my anguish. There were others…so many others who found strength in the pain I shared with them. Today, I have broken free from the chains that held me back for so many precious years. The massive burden that I once carried on my back has decreased and diminished to an acceptable size. I am sometimes sad when I think about the priceless years that I have squandered, hidden away in solitude, but I take solace in the truth that I now have my life back and I have finally discovered and embraced my purpose.
~Alana Marie~