Alana’s Rock Bottom Confession

Sitting in the counseling office waiting room that cold, dark day in January of 2012, I tried to figure out just what had brought me to this point. What on Earth had pushed me over the edge, sending me free falling into this hole of despair at such a fortuitous speed?
I once weighed 528 pounds. I was blessed with the opportunity to have a gastric bypass back in 2000 which saved my life and helped me to lose over 220 pounds,. I thought I had the world by the tail and my life would be oh so wonderful. However, after a time I began to gain the weight back and in 2012 I had gained back 175 pounds and had developed a severe drinking problem. One day, I had been on top of the world, heading for the stars and the next laying outside in my own front yard at three in the morning, drunk, weighing well over 450 pounds AGAIN and financially, all but bankrupt. I sat there in my driveway for over an hour in the freezing cold nursing what I would eventually discover was a shattered wrist…broken in three places. My friend who had driven me home after a fourth straight night of excessive drinking…stood near me, shivering madly while trying to get me up and into my house. I can remember yelling profanities at her as she tried to lift my massive body up off the frozen ground. Eventually, I crawled across the snow covered lawn and dragged myself through the doorway and pass out on the floor of my living room.
When I awoke the next morning, I struggled to piece together my drunken adventure from the night before. Large chunks of time were missing entirely from my memory, while other moments seemed like only a fragment of a terrible dream. The nightmare became real though as I looked down at my own hand dangling freakishly from my wrist. It was swollen and bruised and quickly brought the night back into focus. What had I done to myself, and even more importantly, why had I done it? There will come a day, in your lifetime, that you hit your absolute rock bottom. You will know when you reach that point because it will feel like you are drowning. A sense of hopelessness will encompass your entire being and you will be forced to make a decision, one of giving up or going on. For me, the choice was simple, straightforward and painfully obvious. I chose to reclaim my life.I found Weight Watchers, counseling and sobriety The journey has been one of tears, pain and anguish with each step pushing me out of the darkness of depression and into the light of content happiness. My rock bottom was actually my rebirth. Today, I live my life to help others find their freedom as well as their purpose. If you are reading this, then you my friend are my purpose. Let’s start this journey, I am right beside you. Please follow my adventures at http://pickastrugglecupcake.com/
Thank you and good luck!
Alana Marie

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