The Transformation

And there came a time when all hope was lost. She felt asphyxiated by the world closing in around her. The strong, independent woman of her youth had become weak and feeble and the possibility of ever regaining that vivacious vigor seemed undeniably impossible. How had she allowed her life to spin so recklessly out of control? One day she was immersed in a career that she adored, living a blissful, carefree, life with a kind and affectionate lover who was clearly meant to be her soulmate and then….and then? There were no words she could find to fill in the blanks. Perhaps chaos or depression might work, but in all honesty, there were no eloquent phrases which could portray the absolute sadness and despair that had shrouded her entire being.

One day upon arriving just a little late for work, again, she lost her job and with that loss went her self-esteem, confidence and independence. A feeling of hopelessness began to seep into her soul as she spent days sitting on the sofa, staring blankly at a blaring television screen surrounded by bags of chips, Oreos and fast food wrappers. When the food didn’t help she decided to become friends with Jack and Jose, tossing down countless jiggers of booze, alone, into the early hours of the morning. Time began to slip away from her and she became lost in a vortex of self-destruction. The soulmate, who fought an intense battle with the lover’s demons, eventually chose to leave, refusing to stay and watch the destruction from a front row seat. This sent the already exposed and vulnerable woman into a tailspin, one that left her in a very dark and defenseless place.

As she lay there empty and alone in the darkened room with her broken, shattered heart lying upon the pillow next to her, she began to weep and then sob. The tears cascaded from her bloated, swollen eyes for what seemed like eternity. When they finally began to subside and eventually ceased she swung her legs over the side of the bed and used her winkled sleeve to wipe the lingering tears away.

No longer feeling forlorn or desolate, she felt a transformation commence within her and she realized that what she felt now, was intense anger. The exasperation was replaced with fury and the desperation gave way to possibility. Standing up rather suddenly, she hobbled across the room and flung open the heavy drapes, surprised and quite pleased to find a carrot colored sun rising into the sky. She strolled over to her full length mirror and took a long hard look at herself. She was mortified at what she had become. Squinting her eyes, and clearing her head she tried to envision herself as she was just a couple short years ago. Looking past the weight she had put on and the wrinkle or two that all of her stress had invited, she saw in utter astonishment, herself as she had been, strong, unencumbered, physically fit and beautiful. In that single moment of analytical consideration, she took her life back. She tentatively smiled at her reflection and then she began to chuckle. The chuckle turned to laughter and once again the tears streamed down her face and she giggled and snorted, relishing in the knowledge that she had at long last, released happy tears. Tiny drops of hope, courage and extreme optimism fell like rain and she realized instantaneously that she would be ok. Reaching far into the darkest corner of her closet she felt around until she touched the soft leather of her favorite running shoes. She pulled them out of the blackness and began to untie the laces thinking to herself, nothing can stop a determined woman in a good pair of shoes!

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