Regret

Regret
I have spent too many days of my life saying no and things like… I can’t….I won’t…and I have never….In doing this, I have missed out on so many things that would have enriched my life and made me whole. I was afraid to try so many things because of my fears and insecurities. Yes…a year ago…and for many years before that, things were much more difficult. I was stumbling through life with “a dead body” on my back. Everything I did was difficult. To walk to my car was a chore. Day by day, I watched as my world became smaller and smaller as I became bigger and bigger. I really felt the world closing in on me as I slowly began to accept the fact that I probably wouldn’t be around long enough to grow old. Even the few things that gave me hope in my life slipped away…and I stood by and let them go. I did not feel like I deserved to be happy and worked hard at making myself and those around me miserable. I built a wall and pushed away those I loved and shut out a couple of beautiful souls, either of which I could have built a real life with. Instead I found myself in a “relationship” with food and alcohol…neither of which had any love for me.
I awoke one day at 4 in the afternoon after a weekend of binging on junk food and drowning my senses in alcohol, and it all hit me. I laid there and cried…until not a single teardrop was left. That was the day I decided to take my life back. January 16, 2011, My NEW LIFE BEGAN. I spent the bulk of that year learning discipline and restraint. I began this incessant journey by giving up and letting go (something I had already proven myself to be quite good at) only this time I let go of the things that were stealing my life.
Today, almost 3 years later I find myself at a different place. It is a place of hope and promise. Every single day I feel stronger, healthier and more ALIVE. Every pound I shed gives me greater freedom….the freedom to stop saying no and instead scream out yes…Yes…YES!. Every day I try something new, go somewhere I have never gone and say yes to something I would not have even “been able” to do just one short year ago.
I am not going to sit and watch life pass me by….sitting in a chair with a 25 year old spirit imprisoned inside of an 80 year old body. I intend to start living my bucket list now, today. There are regrets I have for things I did or DID NOT do in my past. I have realized that it is not too late to make things right. I know what I want and where I am going. I am not afraid anymore. The only regret that I will have in my life is my remorse for a life that was half over before it ever began.
Alana Marie

Comments

comments

11 comments

  1. Michelle says:

    oh my goodness, I can so relate to this post!! Except I have not started yet. I want to start losing weight, I have been in WW for 2 years but I have not even begun to lose weight. I love your blog. You are am amazing writer!!

  2. Michelle says:

    Do you think I can lose this weight also?? I am 46 yrs. old. 5’6 and 277 pounds. I am embaressed to tell you that I have been in weight watchers, on and off for over 20 years!!! Its not Weight Watchers, its ME!!! I just cant get going. I feel like I am to old now, to much to lose, never be able to do it. I am such a horrible binge eater and emotional eater. I did have great success with Simply Filling this year. I lost 25 pounds in 2 months but I got bored with it and put it all back on. I have a wonderful leader and WW group, but I cant seem to get motivated Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

  3. Alana says:

    Welcome Michelle….first, You are defeated before you even begin. Look at your message and you will feel the negativity surround you. You must lose that outlook FIRST. Start thinking that you can and you will! Anyone can lose the weight…it just has to be THE top priority on their list. Weight Watchers does work…it has for millions of people but this journey begins with you and your own mind. Get that right and it will be a positive force that pushes you to success. I promise!

  4. Donna says:

    Michelle, listen to Alan. She has been through some tough times and her advise to you is 100% correct. I have encountered the same stumbling block as you and everyone else with battles to fight. It’s easy to be negative. It works in our favor when we say we need to lose the weight but push it aside to eat unhealthy. I’ve done that for years. You need to believe in yourself and the weight will come off. I waited till I was in my 60s to have a mindset that worked for me. I’m turning 62 and have dropped over110 pounds. You will know when you are ready. Everyone has their wake-up call sooner or later. good luck on your journey.

  5. Lori McHugh says:

    Alana, your posts are SO “spot on” – I have shared them on Facebook many times. You are a gifted writer who is able to convey your experiences and wisdom is a very impactful way – keep writing!

  6. Alana says:

    Thank you Lori….I only wish that I had more time to write! Things are settling into place now…so I hope I will have more creative time!

  7. Margaret Davis says:

    It is never too late to do some good for yourself. I got a bit siderailed (is that a word?) last week when a visit to my oncologist did not come out on a positive note. Again there is something growing inside my lung…I beat this once over a year ago, and I will beat it again, but weight loss has been only a minuscule part of me this week. I didn’t do anything crazy with food, always knowing that gaining weight will not solve this health issue, and for me, that is a gigantic plus. Regrets? As Frank Sinatra said, ” Regrets, I have a few, but then again, too few to mention.” Beautifully written as usual Alana.

  8. Gayle says:

    I love this. I, too, spent way too many years afraid and scared and unable to do things. I also regret I didn’t make changes sooner, I was 58 when I reached goal weight and its a big struggle for me to stay there. Right now I’m struggling to lose a few pounds I gained back. But I feel so much better and it’s never too late to reclaim your life. I started walking 5k’s and I’ve done a couple of Half Marathons. And I even went parasailing in Maui. Alana, I do love your writing. Thanks.

  9. Alana says:

    Good for you Gayle!!! It’s never too late! Just never quit quitting! You pick up where you left off! You will lose those few pounds! Welcome to the family!

  10. Alana says:

    Margaret…you keep thinking positive! Negativity feeds off of itself…You beat it once you can do it again. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Bless you.

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