LETTING GO

Well, the divorce is final! Let me explain. I spent 25 years in an oppressive, controlling, stifling and very demoralizing relationship with “my other half”. By other half, I mean that 250 pounds of useless, repulsive fat that once smothered me. It somehow took on a life of its own and eventually took away mine in the process. Let’s call that other half Charlie. Charlie was a gleeful soul at first. We spent lots of time together. We had fun eating and drinking to our hearts content. Loosening our belts as they became tighter and tighter. Charlie’s philosophy was always “Go big or go home” and boy oh boy did we ever live by that principle. We did everything to extreme, extra-large pizzas smothered in extra cheese, double quarter pounders with cheese…super-sized please. As time went on we began spending all of our time together. Charlie became so possessive. It got to the point where he would not let me leave the house. I could not see my friends or visit with my family. We stayed home all the time. We did not go on dates; no movies, carnivals or concerts. “We had a big screen TV” he said…”What else do we need?” Like the devil, he seduced me in to staying home and accommodating his needs….oh, and he was oh so needy!

I became mournful and miserable. My life had no meaning…no purpose. My purpose had become feeding Charlie…my captor. Don’t get me wrong, he gave me things too…anxiety, paranoia, high blood pressure, depression, and in return I gave him my health, my happiness and my freedom. There came a day when I felt that I might suffocate myself with Charlie. I could see my life slipping away. I looked at him with loathing as we sat in silence and stuffed ourselves to the point of intoxication. We were indeed a TOXIC couple. One night I asked him for a trial separation. Oh, he fought like the dickens to hold on to me, playing head games and mental manipulation. I fought back. I joined Weight Watchers, I began walking, and I went back to school and slowly began taking my life back.
Charlie continued to hang around …to hold on, to tempt and entice. As I became stronger and healthier I began to see less and less of him. So today, I declare my independence! My divorce is final! Charlie my “other half” who, by the way, is most certainly not my “better” half, is officially gone and out of my life. He won’t be back. Good bye and good riddance. I realize today, that I only held on… because I was afraid to let go.

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10 comments

  1. Sandy Kinnikin says:

    This story is remarkable!
    I wish I could put my thoughts down on paper like you.
    One month ago my Best Friend Kim took her own life. I am having a very hard time accepting the fact that I will not get to talk to her or be able to text her or pick up the phone and call her.
    But somehow just reading your stories gives me hope that the pain and hurt will someday lessen.

  2. Alana says:

    Sandy, I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Suicide is always so hard because of all of the unknown elements that go with the death. All of the “shoulda, coulda, woulda will tear your heart to pieces. Stay strong, my friend it will eventually get easier. I promise. xoxoxox

  3. Mel says:

    In this blog you have claimed your nemesis and in return reclaimed your intent, purpose and prize. I could not be more proud of you – not just for the pointed way you framed “Charlie” but more importantly for the steps you are taking to get back to your life and make it all you want it to be. Best to you, my friend.

  4. Sue Osterhout says:

    Very inspirational! I am beginning to feel maybe I can lose weight with all of the support I find on ww support groups and others. Here’s to new beginnings 🙂

  5. Tonya Cannady says:

    You are amazing. I wish I had found u a long time ago. I would never have gained some of my weight back after my back surgery. You would gave kept me in line but it sure was good while it lasted. Lots of food prepared by my husband & neighborhood. I kept telling myself: I have just had major, I mean MAJOR back surgery, now here was my excuse to let go and let eat what I want !!!!!

    Thank you Alana for showing that I am only accountable to myself. Keep up the great woke. U are amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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